


Heartbeat

by Elanra, jxckxe



Series: RP Threads [1]
Category: No. 6 (Anime & Manga), No. 6 - All Media Types, No. 6 - Asano Atsuko
Genre: BL, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Sexual Content, Shounen-ai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:16:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elanra/pseuds/Elanra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxckxe/pseuds/jxckxe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are never forgotten. Some wounds never heal. Some memories never stop haunting their owners. Shion returns to the correctional facility in his dreams and loses the one thing he cannot bear to lose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

"So dear I love him that with him, all deaths  
I could endure. Without him, live no life."  
~ Paradise Lost, Book IX

* * *

* * *

# S

* * *

 Shion's hand tremble but he wills them to keep steady. He cannot slip. He cannot make a mistake. He _will not_ make a mistake when it's Nezumi's life hanging on the line. 

_I have saved his life with these hands before. I can do it again. I can do it again._

Nezumi has lost a lot of blood. Shion has to clean the wound, stop the bleeding as much as he can and get him to a hospital. He has no data to rely on but compared to his own measurements Nezumi should be around 180cm tall and around 60 kgs heavy. He should have approximately 4,7 liters of blood in full heath. That may vary due to malnutrition but definitely can't be less than 4,5 liters total. Losing fourty percent of his entire blood volume can kill him and Shion estimates he has lost at least thirty percent by now given the fact he was already losing blood because of the wounds on his arm and leg before he got shot one more time on the chest. Even if Shion manages to give him a sufficient first aid Shion knows Nezumi can only last two hours at most before he dies. Shion has to get him out of here. _Fast._

Nezumi lays sprawled on a white, quality material stretcher on his back. The bullet wound on his chest **-please not his heart, please no, please, no, no, no-** is soaked in blood. With every heartbeat it lazily pumps more blood out of his pierced flesh. He is breathing, _still_ breathing but it's slow. Its so slow. His forehead is slick with sweat and his eyes are closed. He keeps losing consciousness even as Shion's hands continuously work on him.  

Shion keeps talking to him. He never stops, letting his voice be a beacon, an anchor to keep him in this stuffed, clattered, smoke filled medical room with him. He can hear distant explosions and people running in all directions in panic outside the infirmary's locked door but he doesn't care anything right now. Nothing matters now. Nothing else matters but Nezumi and the bullet wound on his chest. Shion yells at him, challenges him to stay and fight, to keep his eyes open, to not give up **-how dare you give up when you are the one who kept me alive when I wanted to go-** for him to survive as he has always done. The silver glint of his eyes catches on the crimson and Shion feels the entire correctional facility the whole city of No.6, the universe with all its vastness and infinity expanding above their heads crash over him. Those silvery grey eyes lock on him through heavy lids and there is a heartbreaking awareness in them. 

_No no.. don't look at me like that. No, Nezumi. No. I won't have it. No._

_'I am sorry,'_ his eyes say. Like a sun-tamed typhoon or the dulled edge of a knife, flickering with frail flames that are mere ghosts of the once all consuming inferno which resided in them, Nezumi's eyes seal his soul away. The forcep in Shion's hand trembles when his fist clenches around it involuntarily. Nezumi's eyes burn into his and then he smiles. A corner of his pale lips curve upwards slightly only a fraction of his usual snarky smile. And then he exhales slowly and Shion wants to stop him, to throw himself on him and keep that breath in his crushed, thrown, blood soaked, injured body but he can't even _move_ . Nezumi breathes out and Shion's heart stops dead in his chest. 

That single release of air in his beaten lungs drive away the light in his eyes. Shion watches it fade like a candle burning out before him as Nezumi's chest sinks beneath his own bloody hands and doesn't rise again.

_Shion._

Shion stares down at him, unable to move, unable to think, unable to comprehend what just happened. His fingers, numb and shaky, travel up his bloody, smooth skin and his palm flattens over his heart. He has done this before. He has rested his hand on this very spot and felt the warm, steady heartbeat beneath the layers of millions of nerves, skin and bones. It was _him_ who had taught Shion how important being alive meant.

_Shion._

He can't feel _anything._ He waits longer, repeats in his head that his pulse is weak and that's why he can't feel it **-then why have I stopped working on him?-** and that Nezumi will open his eyes and tell him they don't have time to idle around and Shion should get it over with already. But his eyes are already open. Staring blankly at the plaster shedding ceiling. 

_Shion!_

Darkness ascend inside him. An overwhelming wave of pitch black fog as thick as coal tar devours him whole. A pain, stronger than a million bullets, more paralyzing than being buried alive under hundreds of dead bodies disposed like garbage below this very building takes ahold of every single fiber of his being. His fingers dig into Nezumi's bloody chest, digging for life, digging for the light in his eyes, the air that just left his lungs, the air that will keep him and keep _Shion_ alive and he finds nothing but flesh and bones and Nezumi laying on a snow white stretcher and drowning in scarlet blood; spent, injured, broken beyond repair... _dead._

He vaguely hears a scream as his world falls apart and everything he has ever known and loved dissipates and settles in a wreckage a typhoon has left behind. 

_SHION!_

# N

* * *

Since returning to No.6, Nezumi occasionally found himself struggling to fall asleep. It wasn't because the bed he slept in was uncomfortable, not at all. It was a blissful experience to lay on such a comfortable mattress, especially when he was used to broken wires and springs and painful lumps pushing up against his back in shabby, run down, _sad excuses for homes._ It wasn't because Shion was a poor bedmate either sure, the Royal Airhead enjoyed holding Nezumi at night, with his warm arms wrapping around Nezumi's body in fear he may once again disappear but Nezumi didn't mind that at all, in fact, he catered to it, holding him just as tightly back, pressing a kiss to his forehead and often times resting the side of his face against Shion's chest.

What kept Nezumi wide awake in the middle of the night, at least from time to time, were his thoughts, or, worse yet, his nightmares. Nezumi would take the former over those painstakingly accurate dreams of infernos, and being burned alive any night. The thoughts that plagued his mind weren't exactly harmful, but more nostalgic. Often times he would look back on the years that had passed him by, his travels and experiences everything that shaped him into the man he was today. He would think about the ocean, or the largest theater in the world or his mice, and how old they were getting.

With his arms casually folded behind his head on his pillow, he would consider who he was four years ago; a terrified, angry young man who craved vengeance for all of the hell No.6 had put him through, had put his _people_ and his _family_ through and who he was now. How much he had grown, how much he owed Shion. A smile would often grace his lips as thoughts of the other boy would fill his mind, reminding him of everything he was, and everything he aspired to be all of the sacrifices he had made along the way, and just how scary yet absolutely spectacular a feeling it was to finally indulge in the love he had spent so much of his life running from. 

Tonight, Nezumi's mind was restless.

He sighed and rubbed his face as he sat up in bed, wondering why he couldn't quite fall asleep. Perhaps it was the black tea he had drank hours ago Shion had tried to warn him, telling him the caffeine would keep him up all night but of course, Nezumi had been stubborn as always, drinking it anyway and claiming that such a stupid substance wouldn't have any affect on him. Nezumi internally cursed at himself, rolling his eyes as he flicked on one of the dim lights on their nightstand. Of course the stupid airhead had been right. _'Fucking figures.'_

Maybe if he just got some water, it would help

 _'Yeah, water should do the trick,'_ Nezumi thought to himself with a sigh. He looked over at Shion as his chest continued to rise and fall, smiling over at the white haired boy who had become a man in such a short period of time. His fingers ran through Shion's hair comfortingly before he finally got up off the bed, beginning his journey to the dark kitchen. 

Nezumi didn't bother to look over at the time that furiously glowed from the microwave, casting the kitchen in an eerie green light. He turned on the faucet, holding a glass underneath the water and filling it up to the brim. He then leaned over the kitchen counter, guzzling down the cold liquid in hopes it would help put him at ease. 

It couldn't have been more than 10 minutes that Nezumi had been in the kitchen before a strange feeling set into his bones. The raven-haired individual knew he had a heightened sense of danger, after all, he had grown up on the very edges of terror, trying desperately just to live another day in a world that wanted him to perish, just so that another human being could steal his money, his clothes, his belongings so that perhaps they too could survive another day. But this.

_What was this feeling?_

Nezumi set the glass down in the sink and padded back over to the bedroom, closing the door behind him before walking slowly over to the bed. His eyebrows were furrowed as he approached the restless figure strewn across the mattress. Shion's fingers were clutching tightly onto crumbled sheets, gripping them harder with each and every violent twitch.

"Shion?" Nezumi asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed. The nightlight's dim glow only served to highlight the worst parts of the thrashing individual, the messy, strewn-about hair, and the tears that were trailing down his soft pale cheeks, the gasps, the pleas and desperate cries of Nezumi's name only left the raven-haired man even more concerned. 

Knowing that he needed to wake the other up, Nezumi roughly shook Shion's bare shoulder, hoping that the sudden movement would force him to open his eyes. "Shion," Nezumi called out, a bit harsher this time.

It was no use. The pained cries only grew louder, his tears still flowing. _'What the hell is he dreaming about?'_ Nezumi wondered before he heard his own name escape from his companion's lips once more. "Shion, wake up Shion!"

Nezumi closed in on the other man, hovering over him as his voice became firmer. "Shion!" He called out, giving him one last shake. He watched as Shion's eyes finally popped open, and the look in those crimson orbs nearly broke his heart in two. 

"Shhhhh," Nezumi murmured as he ran his fingers through Shion's hair, tucking a lock of white gingerly behind his ear. He pulled the blankets up over both of them as he settled back into the bed, concern still ebbing the features of his face as he moved closer to Shion.

"Shion hey are you okay?"

# S

* * *

A pair of deep crimson eyes shot wide open as Shion tore himself away from his nightmare. His throat was tight and he couldn't breathe and he was soaked in sweat and it was cold, so ruthlessly _cold_ Shion felt like his whole blood was drawn out of his body, leaving behind an empty shell of a human being.

Before his mind even registered that he had been dreaming and that it was now over, his panic-stricken mind immediately locked on to the luminescent grey eyes looking down at him and the deep, hurried voice repeating his name. It was _him_ , of course, who had pulled him out of his nightmare as he had always pulled him out of darkness. Nezumi's hand ran through his hair, brushing his white locks behind his ear and Shion felt a pressure rise within his chest, pushing against his lungs and crushing them, twisting his ribs and tearing his flesh apart. Unadulterated pain, almost as strong as the wave of infinite despair from his nightmare crashed over him with the same drawn-out speed of that last breath Nezumi's lungs released before his chest moved no more.  

The lights were gone from those eyes. The skin cooling... the heart quiet.

Shion could not hold himself any longer and broke down under the worried gaze of his companion. He felt arms wrapping around him as violent sobs took over his body and he covered his face with both hands to hide his tears, to keep his pain dormant, to prevent Nezumi from seeing him in such state. It was useless.

Images relentlessly flashed in his mind. Fragments of his nightmare assaulted all his senses. Nezumi laying on the white stretcher drenched in blood, the cold metal of the forcep in his hand, the distant sound of explosions and people screaming, the smell of burnt flesh, antiseptics and smoke and Nezumi's lifeless eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. 

Pain pierced his heart that was frantically struggling to hold on to the sense of Nezumi's warmth against his bare skin, holding onto it with all his might. Shion couldn't keep his sobs quiet. He cried into Nezumi's chest completely out of control. He had had nightmares before. Many times. Nightmares had become common place for the boy who had never had a single nightmare before the age of 16, ever since he had spent two days in the correctional facility. He had awaken screaming, sweating, crying countless times in the past four years. At times greeted by his mother's concerned face, while the others greeted by nothing but the reigning darkness and silence of his bedroom. He had buried his face into his pillow to stifle his agonizing gasps for air when he was alone, when he... when Nezumi wasn't with him.

Shion had exceptional memory. His nightmares had never consisted of vague images or indiscernible shapes. They always had a profound substance of his memories of the past. But this was extreme even to his standards. It left him hanging between the dream and reality and he couldn't even tell which was real. He could hear Nezumi whisper into his ear, his lips brushing over his hair but he was still trapped in his nightmare. He was still much closer to the Nezumi with lifeless eyes and a heart that didn't beat than the one holding him right now. The slick feeling of his blood soaked chest under his shaking hands still too strong.

Nezumi's name spilled through his lips in between jagged breaths. Shion's arms wrapped around his shoulders, wanting desperately... _needing_ to close the remaining distance between their bodies and hold onto him, one more time, as he did four years ago over and over again, to keep sane. 

_Wake me up. Please, I don't want to see it. Please. Wake me up._

_Nezumi_

_Tell me you are alive._

# N

* * *

The look of absolute terror and heartache in Shion's eyes as he awakened from his nightmare was extremely unsettling for Nezumi. The way he turned to Nezumi and looked at him as though he were a ghost, a figment of his imagination some sort of horrible mirage that would only cause Shion pain it hurt more than he could ever put into words. A part of him wondered what could've upset Shion so much what could he have possibly been dreaming about? Did Nezumi's absence affect him this much? Was this a result of the four years he had spent traveling?

Did Shion think that Nezumi would really abandon him?

The way he kept calling his name, and the way Shion's crimson eyes filled with such blinding fear and utter loss as they stared into his stormy grey orbs Nezumi could only imagine that whatever had filled Shion's heart and mind in the minutes he had been away from him, making tea in the kitchen in hopes that the hot beverage would calm his restless mind, had truly disturbed the man who embodied his idea of home. He had never seen such a look on Shion's face, and he couldn't help but loathe it with all of his might. Such terror and pain didn't deserve the opportunity to mar Shion's face, or to make its presence known in Shion's heart and mind.

But what the hell could he have been dreaming about? Nezumi thought about teasing Shion about it, but that look... it was enough to prove to the raven-haired boy just how serious this was. And Nezumi _knew_ how wretched nightmares could be. Nezumi's expression softened as he moved to wrap his arms tightly around him, offering him as much comfort as he could. "Hey," Nezumi murmured, his lips brushing against Shion's ear, "It's alright it's okay now, Shion, shh"

The violent sobs coming from Shion only made him worry even more, and it wasn't long before Nezumi was prying those hands away from Shion's face, wanting more than anything to see him, and to understand what was going on. "Shion, it's okay," Nezumi whispered again as he pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Calm down"

It was only after feeling Shion's arms wrap tightly around his shoulders, and after hearing him continue to cry out his name, that Nezumi finally began to pick up on what Shion could've been dreaming about.

And Nezumi knew, not just because he knew Shion better than anyone else 

But he knew what it was like to have nightmares about losing those he loved, and cherished. He knew what it felt like to wake up after seeing images of dead family members reaching out for him, wanting to be saved, only to perish in the fires that No.6 had inflicted upon his people.

Nezumi swallowed as he began to feel hot tears soaking into his shirt. His heart hurt, seeing Shion like this and in all honesty, he wasn't sure how to comfort him. He wasn't really that good with comforting. At least he didn't think so. He was good at telling the cold hard truth, and not dancing around any subject but this? This was a different matter entirely.

"Shion," Nezumi spoke a bit more firmly, "It's okay, I'm here please, stop crying" Nezumi's hold on Shion loosened and his hands moved up to cup Shion's cheeks. A gentle, inviting smile presented itself on Nezumi's lips as his eyes searched Shion's. "It's okay, Shion," Nezumi whispered as his thumb pushed away some of the tears that had collected under his lover's left eye. "Everything's okay now. I'm here.. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *


	2. Part II

[](http://elanra13.deviantart.com/art/Heartbeat-Part-I-329107116)

"What though the radiance which was once so bright  
Be now for ever taken from my sight,  
Though nothing can bring back the hour  
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;  
We will grieve not, rather find  
Strength in what remains behind."  
~ William Wordsworth, Ode: Intimations Of Immortality From Recollections Of Early Childhood

* * *

# S

* * *

The feel of Nezumi in his arms insistently fought the remaining fragments of his nightmare. Shion held onto him tighter as he desperately tried to draw air into his constricting lungs. It felt like he was dreaming _now_ , instead of waking up from one, and as if Nezumi would disappear from his arms, leaving him wrecked, broken and infinitely alone on this bed the moment he _really_ woke up. Shion couldn't tear himself away from the dream. He felt like he was trapped and confined inside the thickness and heaviness of it, chained with layers and layers of images and scents and sounds and feelings that still ran rampant in his mind. It clouded all of his senses, taking over his usually analytic and rational brain. He couldn't think, he couldn't comprehend, he couldn't react... He could only feel the paralyzing pain and the primal fear that reigned over his heart.

This was _pure panic_. 

Nezumi pulled his hands away from Shion's tear streaked face and Shion heard his voice, saw the soft glow of his silver eyes and felt his velvet lips press against his forehead. And he held onto it, clung to the feel of him. He willed his ears to hear only his soft whispers and not the silence of his lungs from his nightmare. He willed his blurry eyes to _see_ and register only his concerned face, those ethereal pair of eyes of brilliant grey, blazing and _very much alive_ and not the blood soaked figure laying lifeless on a white stretcher and definitely not the image of those very eyes burn out vacant and empty when they had always flared bright with vitality.

Nezumi spoke to him again, his voice firmer this time. Stronger and effective. He pulled away to cup Shion's face and then he was smiling at him and Shion felt one of the chains break, opposed to the curve of Nezumi's lips. His mind couldn't possibly fabricate such beauty, could it? It had to be real, it had to be his Nezumi's fingers pressing against the skin of his cheek, wiping his tears away. Shion chanced a searching glance at him, into his eyes and the nightmare assaulted with renewed force. Nezumi's eyes dimmed out, the light fading, the smile turning barren and lifeless. Shion felt his heart shatter and pain shot through his whole body as fresh tears, hot and uncontainable, cascaded down his face. He reached for his lover with both hands, arms closing around his shoulders and he buried his face in the crook of his neck one more time, inhaling his scent, desperately trying to hold onto the feel of his smooth skin, silky raven hair and the warmth radiating from his body. 

Shion vaguely thought he was going insane, that this was it, and he was going to lose his mind and he was going to lose Nezumi forever. His heart was torn apart, thrown into pieces in the confines of his aching body and bleeding out to death...

Then Shion felt it.

Lub-dub... lub-dub... lub-dub... 

Slow and steady against his own chest... Another set of rhythmic thuds... Shion's right hand left Nezumi's back and pressed against his chest. His palm, sweaty and cold, flattened over the light subsidence between his pectoral muscles over the thin cloth...

Lub-dub... lub-dub... lub-dub...

Everything came to a grinding halt as Shion held his breath. His shaking body stiffed, his lone tears fell from his face without another wave feeding the stream, and his nightmare was chased back into shadows, into the depths of his now clearing mind. He kept his hand over Nezumi's heart, his whole being feasting on the sensation, drawing strength and resilience from it. He raised his head, his eyes wet but no longer crying and he looked into Nezumi's eyes with an expression of surprise and incredulity. The fragments of his nightmare dissolved in his mind with the steady and continuous beat of Nezumi's heart. Every gentle thud beneath his palm shattered another image, another sound, another scent. Shattering the lie and building the reality before his eyes. As Nezumi had always done over the eight years Shion had known him. 

"Nezumi..." Shion whispered and Nezumi's grey eyes continued to burn with life, focused solely on him and this time, it was the _real_ Nezumi Shion called out to and not the one from his nightmare.

# N

* * *

Nezumi's fingers had threaded through Shion's silky white locks of hair as the other man had buried his face in the crook of Nezumi's neck. He could feel Shion shaking in his embrace; the cold sweat that had dotted Shion&'s flesh had rubbed off on Nezumi's arms and chest, in turn making him feel even _more_ concerned with Shion's overall well-being and frame of mind. All that Nezumi could offer the other man, all that he felt he could _do_ in this situation, was draw from his own experience with nightmares, and what he had always wanted or ached for upon waking up cold and alone in the depths of his barren underground home. 

Warmth. 

"Shion... it's okay...," Nezumi murmured once more as he curled a lock of white hair around his index finger. His other arm pulled Shion close, fingers moving up and down his back in comforting strokes. 

_Warmth..._. the feel of a living, _breathing_ human body... warm fingers pressing against his skin... he would give Shion everything that he had, only so that he could feel better, so that he could leave behind the memories of the Correctional Facility, of the stench of dead bodies piling up and rotting around him. Everything that Nezumi had exposed him to, all of the innocence that Shion had lost as a result of him... the urge to rewrite their past would always haunt Nezumi. There was such a big part of him that felt responsible for Shion's nightmares. "Everything's okay, don't panic." Nezumi pressed his lips to Shion's ear, his breath hot and his lips warm to the touch. "You're awake now, it's over." 

And all at once, before Nezumi was even able to think up any other words of comfort, Shion's sobs had come to a grinding halt. He felt his companion sink down against him, his chest pushing against his own... and he had felt Shion's breaths as they became even, controlled... not as rushed, and painful.

His fingers traveled down from Shion's hair to his face, cupping his cheek gently as awareness finally filled Shion's eyes. His piercing, crimson gaze, once frantic and lost in the depths of his nightmare (even after awakening), had finally softened. Shion was no longer crying, no longer mourning the death of the most important person in his life, and Nezumi felt relief wash over him... even as Shion's remaining tears dropped down from his scarlet colored orbs and onto Nezumi's face. 

"I'm here," Nezumi smiled reassuringly as Shion whispered his name. "It's about time you noticed me." His voice was as smooth as velvet as his other hand rose up to also cup Shion's cheek, holding Shion's pale face within his gentle grasp. His nose rubbed against Shion's as his eyes closed, his thumbs sweeping across his lover's cheeks.

# S

* * *

Shion's mind slowly but steadily returned to reality. The pain receded from his heart, like an ice cold wave, made of inky shadows retreating back with the rise of full moon in low tide. The grey eyes Shion had been grounded by for eight years became his anchor, his pillar of support and it wasn't the first time they had become his one link to life, to reality and to the absolute truth but it didn't matter how many times it had happened before. Nezumi would always pull him out of darkness. 

"I'm here" said the man Shion loved with all his heart. And Shion knew he really _was_ there, cupping his face and nose nuzzling against his own. He closed his eyes, feeling Nezumi's heartbeat beneath his palm, listening to his own slow down and quiet in his aching ribcage.  

"Nezumi..."

Shion had been having nightmares for four years. But this was the first time Nezumi had witnessed one and Shion wished he hadn't. It had been over three weeks since Nezumi's return and if Nezumi was a restless sleeper before, he was downright _fighting_ in his sleep now. Shion had had to wake him up four times in the past three weeks and when it was Nezumi... it wasn't easy at all. He never talked about his nightmares and Shion only now understood why he didn't. Shion couldn't talk about his nightmare even if he wanted to. Even if Nezumi asked him to... Watching someone you love suffer in their sleep and not be able to help them was excruciating. Shion had never wanted Nezumi to feel that helplessness but he also knew... he could have never handled this alone. He wouldn't make it sane through the night if.. if Nezumi wasn't there with him. Shion's chest ached with the dull pain his nightmare left behind. He sighed against Nezumi's lips, his hands tightening around his shirt. He couldn't get enough of his warmth; the proof that he was alive. 

His forehead dropped against Nezumi's as one of his hands rose up and touched the smooth skin of his neck, fingers curling around his nape. A stray teardrop slid down his cheek onto Nezumi's face as Shion inhaled and the smell of tea and books and rain filled his lungs.&

"Nezumi..." Shion started shaking in his arms. His right hand over Nezumi's heart clenched around the shirt as he pulled himself up and tilted his head. 

"Please..." Shion's lips lightly brushed against Nezumi's and then his forehead fell against his lover's again, breathing through parted lips and feeling the heat of his own breath radiate back from Nezumi's skin. "Please..."

The tip of his nose brushed against Nezumi's cheek as he whispered, his voice unsteady and constricted with a million things he couldn't say. 

_I love you, I love you so much I sometimes feel like it will kill me. I love you more than life, more than the sun, and the moon. I love you more than the first gulp of water after an exhausting day and more than the first bite of my mother's stew when I am really hungry. I love you when you hold me, when you kiss me, when you tease me, when you hand me my coat and say it's chilly to be walking outside without a coat at night. I love you when you smile and I love you when you gaze at me as if there is nothing else in the world. I love you when you keep me together. I love you when you save me. I love you when you are the one to break me... and I love you when you come back to mend me. I love you._

_I love you, Nezumi._

Shion's heart throbbed in his chest as he whispered again. "Please... Nezumi... I need you," was all he could say with the aching heaviness in his chest and the fading fragments of his nightmare in his mind. Only Nezumi's warmth could envelope him and keep the cold away... only his warmth could erase the nightmare and make him forget. Shion's trembling lips found Nezumi's once more and pressed weakly against them. 

_Nezumi... make me forget..._

# N

* * *

With each and every trembling, heartbreaking whisper of _please_ that fell from Shion's lips, Nezumi's own heart ached. He wondered idly if Shion could feel his pulse quicken underneath the hand gripping his shirt and pressing against his chest; his heartbeat _must_ have been picking up in speed as Shion's lips gently traced his own. He felt his lungs expand with air, his breath hitching as his hands remained on Shion's face, cupping his cheeks and lightly running through strands of white hair. 

Whenever Shion moved in to kiss him, Nezumi was always startled... it was a feeling he could not help, no matter how much time had passed since that sad excuse for a goodbye kiss Shion had planted on his lips back in that underground home. His scent, his voice, the feel of his lips against his own... the way the palm of Shion's hand pressed against Nezumi's heart... _no_ , he wasn't sure if he would _ever_ be able to get used to the warm feeling that spread throughout his body, that Shion ignited with his own fingertips and crimson eyes and loving, accepting, _vulnerable_ voice. 

After four years of traveling, of _wandering_ in search of his identity, of answers to the questions he had never once been able to ask himself... everything seemed like new, uncharted territory for him. Loving Shion to this extent, holding and kissing him, and being loved in return... it was all nerve-wracking and fear-inducing, even after the three long weeks that Nezumi had been living with Shion. Despite the fear Nezumi felt whenever Shion did something sweet, or told Nezumi that he loved him... he was still learning how to let Shion in past the walls that his hard life had built up around his heart.

He was determined to break them down, though. For Shion. _Only for Shion._

Nezumi could taste remnants of the salty tears that had once slid down Shion's cheeks as he lightly kissed him. He could feel Shion shaking on top of him, his skin cold to the touch. Shion's nightmare, although it had ended a while ago, was obviously not far from his heart and mind. Whatever Shion had seen in his dreams was still haunting him, that much Nezumi was sure of... he could feel his lip quivering even as he kissed him gently, still struggling to push down the panic he felt even upon awakening.

 _"Please... Nezumi... I need you..."_ Shion's whisper echoed in Nezumi's mind. As his lover pulled away from him, Nezumi's grey eyes met with a glassy scarlet, tears still shimmering in Shion's eyes. Nezumi's thumbs idly caressed Shion's cheeks before he pressed forward, sealing their lips together in a kiss that was rough and passionate. One hand moved to Shion's neck to pull him back down, and the other made its way back into his hair, cementing the other man to him. If Shion needed him, if he needed to feel that Nezumi was real, and laying in this bed beside him after four long years away, after nearly dying in the Correctional Facility, _after everything they had been through_ , Nezumi would happily prove it to him.  

He didn't have anything to say as his tongue traced Shion's lower lip, begging for entrance into his mouth. There were no words, no witty remarks or teasing replies that Nezumi wanted to say, or that Shion needed to hear. There, within that room, there was only love, there was only _warmth_ , two bodies pressing closely together in affirmation of their feelings. Nezumi's hands made their way lower, traveling down Shion's shoulders and back as a means of closing the distance between them.

* * *


	3. Part III

“I did not know how to reach him, how to catch up with him... The land of tears is so mysterious.”  
 _― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince_

* * *

# S

* * *

Nezumi had always been able to see right through Shion. He had always been the only one to answer Shion’s unasked questions, catch and pull out and point out Shion’s silent feelings, doubts, fears and the lies he had told himself. Nezumi had inconceivable grasp on the thoughts, emotions and the chaos that plagued him. Shion couldn’t understand how he could, how anyone could reach so deep into his heart and mind but Nezumi had always been the one who knew Shion the best. Shion often thought it had been that way even on the very night they had met eight years ago. Even before Nezumi had muttered the first words through cold lips in a voice weak with his blood loss.

And yet again, Nezumi had heard his mind screaming for his warmth, for his closeness, for the all consuming fire only his hands, his mouth, his body could give Shion. When Nezumi’s lips sealed his own with fervor and a roughness Shion truly needed right now, he felt his heart ache in his chest with how in tune Nezumi was with him. He parted his lips, inviting Nezumi’s tongue in to reign inside his mouth, his mouth to demand the air in his lungs and his lips to press hard against his own. The hand over Nezumi’s neck rose higher and buried itself in silky tresses of raven and closed into a gentle fist as Shion responded to his kiss with abandon. His other hand never left Nezumi’s heart, feeling the steady rhythm pick up and beat harder against his ribs beneath Shion’s palm. 

_Don’t think._

_Just once in your life, don’t think. Turn off that insistent brain of yours._

_Don’t think. Let him erase it all._

Shion felt tears sting in his eyes once more as Nezumi’s kiss deepened and he pulled Shion down onto him in an attempt to close what little space was left between their bodies. His warmth seeped into Shion’s skin through the thin cloth and he allowed the feeling to spread along his whole body, alerting his benumbed nerves and deicing his cold hands that could still feel the ghost of Nezumi’s lifeless and frigid corpse. 

_Is it okay, Nezumi?_

_Can I lean on you for this one time? I know how much you hate weak people…_

_But… can I run and hide from pain for once? Can I escape from it?_

_Is it okay to be too scared of the pain to stay and fight it, Nezumi?_

_Will you hate me for this?_

A long, pained moan spilled through his lips as his own thoughts tortured him. Nezumi was holding him, kissing him and there wasn’t a single word spoken; he was  _there_  for him. Nezumi would always do the best he could do for him. Shion knew it. But right now, Shion needed more and it made him loathe himself. He loathed himself for making him share his pain, his fear and give him the impossible task of making him forget the things he was too weak to fight against when Nezumi himself had to fight his own share of nightmares every single night.

Shion could taste tea in his mouth. He knew it meant Nezumi wasn’t sleeping when he lay there unaware of his lover’s restlessness. He had probably went to the kitchen and made himself some black tea and tried to clear his mind of thoughts that didn’t allow him to sleep. And now here he was, giving his all to Shion. Letting him lean on him without uttering a single word of dissent. 

Shion pulled away with a gasp as he felt Nezumi’s hands on his skin beneath the shirt he was wearing. He looked down into Nezumi’s brilliant grey eyes burning with desire and affection. He saw questions swarming in the depths of argent gleam, but Nezumi kept quiet. He didn’t ask a single question.

Whatever it was that Nezumi saw when Shion pulled away, made his jaw clench and his eyes ignite with fire. Shion watched his expression change from careful tenderness to something desperate… And then he was reaching forward, his lips covering Shion’s with reckless devotion, pressing hard and his tongue pushing deep inside his mouth. 

Shion let out another another, low moan against his lips and allowed Nezumi to push him up and roll him over his back on the bed. Both his arms wrapped around Nezumi’s shoulders and neck and Shion held onto the man that had kept him safe and alive and sane… the man who had kept him human even in the midst of hell.

* * *

N

* * *

The feeling had begun to wash over Nezumi like a never-ending current, an ocean’s tide growing higher and higher until it was threatening to engulf the entire world in its fast, cold and destructive embrace. He could feel heat building up at the end of each and every nerve, prickling his skin as he kissed Shion with a tenderness he once thought himself incapable of.

It had built up so slowly, this desire, this lust he felt for the man on top of him…and once the feeling had spread throughout his limbs, his chest, _his entire body_ , there was no saving him. Shion, the airhead, the once naïve boy who was somehow able to hold onto his humanity and remain who he was despite all of the pain and torment he had been through, and the hell he had seen, had consumed Nezumi’s heart and mind, burning his very skin with his touch. And now, the way Shion was kissing him and moaning against his mouth with so much emotional torment threatening to spill out from his eyes in the form of tears only left Nezumi even more distraught. 

Nezumi had long since come to terms with the fact that he was in love with Shion. He had probably realized it much sooner than Shion had, but Nezumi was always better at expressing himself through his actions. Words were meaningless; promises could be broken, the sound of a voice could easily be forgotten, people had the ability to twist and corrupt words within the blink of an eye…. but actions? They were burned into one’s memory, one’s flesh… Moments in that Correctional Facility that still haunted Shion, moments that Nezumi didn’t even need to ask about as he broke away to look into Shion’s pleading eyes… moments where his own back had been licked by flames, scarring him for the rest of his life… there were some actions that neither of them would ever be able to forget.

The feeling of complete vulnerability, and  _need_ , and  _absolute abandon,_ had washed over Nezumi slowly… but once he had resolved himself to embrace it, a fire had ignited within the depths of his steel grey eyes.

His kiss became rougher than ever before as he tugged on Shion’s lip with his teeth, pushing him back onto the mattress and straddling Shion’s still cold and shivering form. His tongue was pushing deep into his mouth, battling with Shion’s only to remain triumphant. Warm hands held onto Shion’s cheeks as his kiss was hot, passionate and fierce… and within a few moments, those hands were stripping Shion of the shirt that acted as a barrier between him and his lover. There were no words that needed to be said as Nezumi ripped the article of clothing up over Shion’s head, throwing it somewhere away from them as his mouth latched onto Shion’s neck, biting and licking and kissing and leaving heavy marks that Shion would certainly feel in the morning. 

If Shion wanted warmth, if he wanted Nezumi to prove to him that he was real, then Nezumi would stop at  _nothing_ to prove it. His lips were searing hot as they trailed across Shion’s scar, his tongue pressing hard against his raised flesh as his hands made their way into Shion’s boxers. It was only a matter of seconds before Shion was stripped bare and completely exposed underneath Nezumi. The raven haired man took a moment to gain some sense of composure before his fingers wrapped around Shion’s length, pumping his cock and feeling it grow harder and harder beneath his very touch. 

* * *

S

* * *

The fire was ascending. 

Shion could feel it rise like hot lava in the pit of stomach. Searing hot and unstoppable, consuming all thoughts and fears and doubts in its wake. It came in waves, over and over again, devouring him whole, burning every single one of Shion’s nerves, spreading across his muscles, seeping into his skin and gathering in his heart as it throbbed painfully in his chest. 

His hands were quick and unexpectedly apt as they tugged Nezumi’s shirt and pulled it off over his head when their lips had parted for the fraction of a second in order to feed their hungry lungs with air. Shion, who had always been extra careful and overly considerate with everything regarding Nezumi didn’t pay any heed as to where his shirt landed when he tossed it away where it possibly joined his own on the floor of their bedroom. Nezumi’s lips pressed hard against his skin, his tongue; warm and wet, grazed and licked the light swell of his scar on his neck. Shion closed his eyes, as his hand laced itself in raven locks and closed into a tight fist, quietly possibly something he wouldn’t have done in a normal night. His other hand ran down Nezumi’s back, pulling him higher over him, pressing him closer and he felt his fingers digging in, leaving angry red marks on smooth skin. He craved for his warmth so much right now, it blinded him. His hips moved on their own, bucking up against Nezumi and the friction tore a loud groan from his throat. His head rolled back on the pillows as Nezumi’s hands dove into his boxers, pulling them down and off his legs in a matter of mere seconds. 

Nezumi was a storm, but he was also fire. Unadulterated fire with the destructive force of a typhoon. Loving him meant walking into fire, naked and willing, every single day. Shion had lost himself in the depths of that endlessly burning inferno long years ago, when he had first laid eyes on those pair of grey eyes that burned with vitality and infinite strength. It had always only been him Shion had wanted with every fiber of his being. He craved for him in such a primal, raw and untamed level it was close to madness. Nothing could ever stop Nezumi, tame him or control him.

Nezumi was freedom.

And Shion only felt free when Nezumi breathed into him, when the blazing gusts of his passion picked him up like a tiny flower petal being carried away in the wind and when his heat pierced into his skin, reaching into the depths of his very being and liberated the fire that had burned inside him for over eight years. 

And that was why he needed him now. Only Nezumi could pull him away from the darkness in his mind. Only his warmth could penetrate the frigid shells of his nightmare and burn the images to ashes as if they were made of straw paper. Shion could feel his tears evaporate in his eyes as they still burned with new tears he didn’t allow to escape. He chased away every reoccurring image of his nightmare in his mind. He focused on Nezumi. Only Nezumi and how his hands were on him now. Stroking him, sliding up and down over his aching length, gradually pulling out the fire within Shion’s very core. 

Shion sat up as his open mouth against Nezumi’s neck and his hands pushed him back. He worked around Nezumi’s hand around his length to strip him of his pants. He had to feel him and he had to feel him now. When he was thrown back on the mattress again, the warmth of Nezumi’s body, now shielded by nothing, poured down on to him and Shion inhaled the heat of his fire as the flames licked his body.

* * *

N

* * *

With every thrust of Shion’s hips up into Nezumi’s, whether it was intentionally done or not, Nezumi fought the urge to let out a snarl. Up until the moment Shion’s fingernails began digging into his back, leaving angry red marks in their wake, Nezumi had been successful in holding such a lust-filled, intense noise back. 

It was in that moment, that wild and furious and intensely passionate moment, that Nezumi leaned forward and sunk his teeth down upon Shion’s neck, not hard enough to break skin, but hard enough to leave a bruise. His moan was deep and full of bittersweet pleasure as it reverberated throughout their room, filling up the silence beautifully.

Nezumi didn’t even have a chance to help Shion remove his shirt; the fabric had slipped off of Nezumi’s shoulders and torso with such ease that he had barely even noticed its disappearance before he felt Shion’s fingers raking at his back, just barely missing the scars that marred his flesh. Nezumi swallowed harshly as Shion worked at his pants, watching through lust filled eyes as his lover fought the urges to writhe and to moan underneath his touch.

It was excrutiating, feeling this much pleasure. Nezumi, while continuing to stroke Shion’s length with vigor, felt such intense heat overwhelm him to his very core. His skin felt as though it was on fire, all over again… only this time, the result wasn’t catastrophic… it wasn’t deadly, or reminiscent of his past. It was as if he was being reborn… like all of his experiences, up until now, were being rewritten.

He had wanted to prove to Shion that he was real, that he wasn’t dead like he was in Shion’s nightmares. He had wanted to erase every ounce of pain Shion had felt in that dream, or within the walls of the Correctional Facility before the collapse of the old No.6. In the end, however, he was not only healing his lover…  he was healing  _himself._

Shion, the boy that had saved his life without asking for anything in return. The boy who had healed his wounds, and had given him food and a place to sleep… that risked his life all for a stranger. It was truly overwhelming for Nezumi, pressing his fingertips against Shion’s flesh, and opening his heart up to him… he wanted to show him how much he trusted him, how much he loved him… even if he had trouble voicing such feelings aloud.

He was always better with actions.

Nezumi’s eyes held Shion’s gaze for a few moments. Despite resolving himself moments before to a new feeling, a new sensation for both of them to share together… it was still nerve-wracking. He felt exposed, in a way he hadn’t ever felt with another human being. All of the other times in his past had been so unemotional, so distant…  _meaningless…_

His eyes only tore away from Shion’s when his hand began to reach for the nightstand… or, rather, what was within its single drawer. His fingers curled around the bottle of lubricant and brought it closer to him before his thumb popped open the lid. Nezumi’s hand left Shion’s length and, instead, reached for his lover’s face, bringing their lips together in a moment of furious desire. His kiss was harsh and his tongue was invasive as he pressed forward, distracting Shion with his hot mouth as his free hand began to slather Shion’s manhood with the slick substance. He used the lubricant liberally and prepared himself for what was to come by trapping Shion beneath him, straddling his waist and leaving him pinned down to the mattress.

* * *

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	4. Part IV

"Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs;  
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;  
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears;  
What is it else? A madness most discreet,  
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet."  
~ William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 1.1.191-5 

* * *

# S

* * *

Nezumi’s teeth sunk down into Shion’s neck, right over his collarbone and Shion groaned, his hand in Nezumi’s hair tightening and his body arching up against his lover’s. Nezumi sucked at the skin that would most likely leave a bruise in the morning as Shion’s free hand ran down his back. He felt this time… something was different. Something was different in the way Nezumi was touching him, kissing him and stroking him… something was monumentally different. It all felt intense, rough, hard and overwhelmingly passionate than it ever did before. 

Shion knew Nezumi. He knew him better than anyone else. He was the only person Nezumi had allowed to enter through his moss and rust ridden walls and his many defenses. Shion was the only person who was allowed to see the fragile beauty of the heart that beat beneath the muscled chest. Only one allowed to fall deep into the bottomless grey of Nezumi’s eyes. And yet, Nezumi was still a mystery to him. There were so many things about him that was left unsaid. So many stories of his past that remained as broken memories in his mind, never to be voiced. So many questions that burned Shion, begging to be asked. And every now and then, Nezumi would look at him in such a way, Shion would know he was there inside his own mind all alone, re-living a memory that pained him and Shion would feel his heart ache, because he could not help him. Because it would be Nezumi’s memory and it would be his secret and Shion could not ask him. He  _would not_  ask him.

As Nezumi’s climbed on top of him and kissed Shion senseless, hard enough to bury him into their mattress, Shion felt the pain binding them in a way it never did before. They both had things in their past that haunted them and would probably haunt them for the rest of their life. Things they could never talk to anyone about. Things only they knew. Only they had seen, heard and smelled and felt. Memories of smoke, and fire, and blood, and of  _corpses_ and people  _dying_. Things they avoided rebuilding in the form of words and sounds even between the two of them. And neither of them needed any explanation. They both understood and complied the unspoken plea of the other. That was one of the greatest lessons Shion had learned in the course of past four years.

  
_Don’t ask me._   


_Don’t make me explain._

_Don’t make me go through that again._

But they  _could_  touch each other, pull a shaking hand over a frantic heartbeat and show undeniable proof of  _life,_  still existent in the very thing they valued the most. They could not talk… but they could touch, they could kiss, they could move together in the silence of their pain and the fire of the love neither of them could deny anymore and they could momentarily erase the memories, soothe the pain and replace the agony of nightmares with the dull ache of need for each other’s closeness and warmth. When their lips parted, it would be each other’s names that fell quietly in the narrow space between them and it would be their gasps and moans and blind cries that filled the witnessing silence of their room. The nightmares would dissolve in the creased sheets and the memories would recede before the eternal light of life in each other eyes.

Shion buried his face in the crook of Nezumi’s neck as he leaned over him to rummage through the drawer of their nightstand. He inhaled his scent. Eyes closed and arms wrapped tight around his bare body. When Nezumi pulled back and gazed down into his eyes with staggering compassion, warmth and something inexplicable… something he could not name… something that suddenly made Nezumi look younger… and so very  _vulnerable_ … Shion could not help the gasp that spilled through his lips like a hiss and pulled Nezumi back down as he reached forward to cover his lips with his own.

Nezumi kissed him mindlessly. His tongue slipped over Shion’s and roamed freely inside his mouth claiming dominancy in a matter of seconds. Shion felt his hands move between their bodies and heard the lid of the bottle of lubricant pop open as he responded to his kiss with his heart aching in his throat due to anticipation, desire and lust. Nezumi’s legs straddled him and Shion’s body was pinned on the mattress and trapped in between them and then… Nezumi’s hand, slick with the ointment, touched his length. Somewhere in his mind Shion found it odd and he opened his eyes to see Nezumi’s fiery argent eyes glowing with  _purpose_ as his hand coated Shion’s length with the lubricant. He tried to surface through the blinding heat of lust, pulled away from the kiss, eyebrows knit together and inhaled sharply against Nezumi’s lips. His face was a mirror of confusion when he found his voice and hardly managed to ask through the waves of passion crushing over him.

“Nezumi… why are you… putting the lube… on me?”

* * *

N

* * *

The look of confusion that had presented itself across Shion’s face was the complete opposite of Nezumi’s own expression and thoughts. His lover’s hazy, lust filled eyes were half lidded as he stared up at him, and Nezumi wasn’t sure if he wanted to roll his eyes and berate Shion for the question he had just been asked, or if he felt even more turned on by the way Shion was sprawled out and involuntarily thrusting his hips up to feel more of Nezumi’s hand on his length.

Those crimson eyes… there was such an overwhelming look of innocence in them, even as the body they belonged to was sweaty and covered in marks given to him by his lover in the throes of their passion. Shion was desperate for more of Nezumi’s touch, that much was obvious just by listening to the breaths between his confused words. Nezumi watched Shion’s eyes close as his thumb swept across the head of Shion’s cock, and he couldn’t help but let out a little smirk.

“You really are a natural, aren’t you~?” Nezumi hummed as he leaned down over him. His lips were a mere breath away from Shion’s own parted ones , and they trailed across Shion’s open mouth and his right cheek. Nezumi knew this look, he knew it very well… and the last thing he wanted was for Shion to be nervous, or confused. Nezumi’s lips reached Shion’s ear and he sucked gently on the soft flesh of his earlobe. His breath was hot as it danced across the side of the pale man’s face, and all the while, his fingers never let go of Shion’s length.

“Quit asking questions, Shion.  _Just let me **feel**  you…_” Nezumi murmured into Shion’s ear, hoping to soothe him a bit. He could feel Shion tensing up, his shoulders slightly raising and his manhood throbbing within Nezumi’s very grasp. 

This was so much different from any other time Nezumi had been forced to give himself to someone. There was so much pain in Nezumi’s past, so many scars that Shion was unaware of, and that Nezumi would never reveal to the other. Such a troublesome past was better left unsaid, never to reach the ears of another soul. It was too painful…  _ **remembering**_  was too painful. There was a reason why Nezumi never talked about his past or his hardships, even when he had been trying to teach Shion about the kind of life most people led in West Block. Even when he woke up soaked in sweat, pale and shaking and with a tear-stricken face from one of his own nightmares.

He didn’t want to hurt Shion… he  _never_  wanted to hurt Shion.

Besides… this time, it would not be forced. There would be no other reason for giving himself completely to another soul other than the amount of immense love and trust he felt for Shion, and the desire to make things right again within Shion’s heart and mind… to wipe the slate clean, or at least help him forget about his pain, his  _reoccurring nightmares_ … just for a little while. He wanted to bridge the gap, to allow himself to finally be as vulnerable as he could be with Shion, in the same way Shion had always been fully trusting with him. Shion had needs and desires just like any other man, and tonight, Nezumi would make sure to fulfill them all.

Nezumi lined himself up with Shion’s cock, knowing very well that this would hurt without having any time to prepare himself. He wondered idly if he had used enough lube to at least control  _some_ of the pain… but before he could spend any more time thinking about it, Nezumi’s eyes closed, and he began to lower himself down upon his lover’s length.

* * *

S

* * *

Shion didn’t understand the look in Nezumi’s eyes. He didn’t understand the slick hand around his length and he didn’t understand why Nezumi was on top of him and not between his legs. He could not think. Nothing made sense to him as Nezumi’s thumb brushed over the head of his aching erection and his head rolled back on the pillows unable to hold back his gasp. 

“ _You really are a natural, aren’t you?_ ” Nezumi said and Shion could hear the smile in his voice as he leaned in and his lips ghosted over Shion’s, his cheek and came to a stop over his ear. Shion felt like his skin was reaching out to his lips, begging to be kisses, devoured, bruised by that mouth. His mind had quit functioning but his body responded to his mouth sucking his earlobe at once. A groan, almost a feral growl vibrated through his throat and his hand tightened around silky, raven locks. And then Nezumi spoke again, his breath warm against his ear, his voice low and intense.

“ _Quit asking questions, Shion. Just let me **feel**  you…”_

_Just let me feel you…_

**_Feel you…_ **

**Feel you** _._

Shion’s eyes opened wide as his breath got caught in his throat. His hazy mind roared in his head when understanding dawned on him. His whole body from head to toe, broke into a rush of sweat and every single muscle tensed, hands shaking around Nezumi’s naked form. Suddenly everything fell into place. The position of their bodies, the lube on his own length… and the look in Nezumi’s eyes.

Nezumi was going to…

He was about to…

Shion’s heart banged hard in his chest, desperately pushing against the confines of his ribcage. A feeling close to panic took over all his sense as his eyes met Nezumi’s. The look in those pair of ethereal grey eyes, the look of compassion, love… the look of  _surrender_  brimming within the silver glow made Shion’s eyes water. 

Shion was not stupid. He could indeed be hopelessly naive at times but he was not stupid. Four years he had spent apart from Nezumi had given him time to think about many things that had never even crossed his mind before. Things he had heard in West Block, things he had heard in that  _one_  time Shion had despised Rikiga-san, things Nezumi had casually mentioned here and there… Shion knew… He knew Nezumi was far from inexperienced when it came to this. 

And he also knew… Nezumi had been hurt.

Nezumi’s eyes spoke volumes… more than his mouth would ever be willing to say. It had  _always_  been that way. Maybe that was why Shion loved those eyes more than anything else in the world because they were the windows opening to the solitary expanses of Nezumi’s heart. And those windows opened only for him.

The fragility of his gentle expression… the vulnerable,  _exposed_  look in his eyes both confirmed all of Shion’s suspicions and made his heart ache painfully in his chest. Nezumi, _his Nezumi_  had been hurt this way before… And yet, he was still willing to do it for him. For Shion. To help him forget his nightmare… He was willing to suffer, to end Shion’s suffering.

It felt like watching Nezumi take a bullet for him… all over again.

Before he could say anything, before he could even completely understand the pain and love and conflict invading his heart, Nezumi had lined himself up with Shion’s length. 

“No.. no… no no, please.  _Nezumi_ … please!”

Shion placed both his hands on top of his over his length as he sat up as much as he could with Nezumi straddling him. Tears he could not hold back, cascaded down his cheeks as his heart throbbed painfully against his ribs threatening to rip the flesh, skin and nerves apart. He looked at his lover’s eyes through his tears, his voice hoarse and thick with the lump in his throat.

“I can’t…  _I can’t_ … please…” Shion cupped Nezumi’s face with both hands. He could barely see with how blurry his sight was, but he would always find Nezumi’s silver gaze. He would never be led astray. No matter how dark it was, Shion would always find those pair of brilliant grey eyes. Nezumi had always been Shion’s beacon of light. His one pillar of support. A sharp sob tore through the aching lump in his throat and fresh tears rose in his eyes.. 

“Nezumi…  _please_ … I don’t want to… hurt you…  _I don’t.. want to.. hurt_ you.”

* * *

N

* * *

Nezumi was completely taken aback by Shion’s sudden movements and watery eyes. At first, he had absolutely no idea why the man beneath him was protesting so greatly. He couldn’t help but wonder if he had done something wrong, if he had hurt Shion or had taken advantage of the fact that he was so desperate for physical contact after his horrendous nightmare. Had he misinterpreted Shion’s request? Nezumi swallowed the strange lump that had presented itself in his throat upon Shion’s hands rushing up to cup his cheeks, and his grey eyes bore directly into Shion’s watery crimson orbs.

 _“I can’t… **I can’t** … please…,” _Shion had whispered as tears began to roll down his cheeks. Nezumi sat there, still straddling his lap yet appeasing Shion’s need to at least attempt to sit up as much as he could. The hands on his face were shaking, and exceedingly warm… Nezumi’s gaze traveled all over the features of Shion’s face, taking in his flushed cheeks and tears and shivering body.

It was only when Shion began to plead that he didn’t want to hurt Nezumi, that he finally began to understand the other man’s sudden display of emotion.

Relief flooded his heart and mind and even caused the corners of his lips to slightly curl upwards, offering the man he loved a smile that would hopefully help calm him down. Nezumi’s hands moved to Shion’s hips, soft flesh underneath the pads of his fingertips, and he squeezed gently in reassurance. “Shion….,” Nezumi murmured quietly, still trying to hold his gaze. 

When he couldn’t get Shion’s full and direct attention, his fingers reached upwards to pry his lover’s hands away from his own face. “Shion, please.. look at me?” Nezumi asked before wiping away some of the tears that had built up underneath his eyes.

Despite Shion’s sobs and obvious apprehension, Nezumi couldn’t help but marvel at the way the other man’s skin glowed beneath his very touch, and the way the red scar that hugged his body moved along with each and every inhale and every gasp. He was so beautiful… the raven-haired man couldn’t help but gaze at him with awe, especially during such an emotional, vulnerable moment. It wasn’t long before he was running his fingers through the locks of white hair that he loved so much, enjoying its softness and luminescent glow under the light of the moon.

When Shion finally opened his eyes again, Nezumi smiled and pressed his forehead against his. His gaze was loving and tender, concerned and adoring and  _needy_ as he stared at Shion. His fingers moved out of his hair and instead cupped his cheeks, only to gently pull his face towards his own. Nezumi pressed a soft, fluttering kiss to Shion’s lips, ignoring the taste of salt that presented itself when his tongue touched Shion’s.

“You’re not hurting me. How weak do you think I am, hm?” Nezumi teased when he finally broke away. “Don’t cry, Shion… there’s no reason to be crying.  ** _I love you._** “ 

His confession of love came out in the form of a whisper, ghosting across Shion’s lips. 

“Will you let me touch you, now? Is it okay? We’ll go slow…” One of Nezumi’s hands drifted down to find Shion’s, while the other moved back to Shion’s hip. It was then that he pulled Shion’s hand up to his mouth, and began to suck on his index finger, his tongue languidly twirling around the digit within his warm cavern. After Shion’s finger was coated, Nezumi gave the same treatment to the next one, all the while watching Shion’s face for some sort of reaction.

Once he was done coating Shion’s fingers, Nezumi’s grip moved to Shion’s wrist, and he directed his hand down to his entrance. His forehead once again found his lover’s, and his tone of voice dropped down to a husky, deep growl.

“Start with one… and go slow. In and out.. take your time,” Nezumi swallowed, his eyes closing as a wave of lust engulfed his very being. “Do to me what you enjoy being done to you.”

* * *

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	5. Part V

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.  
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;  
so I love you because I know no other way than this: 

where I does not exist, nor you,  
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,  
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. ”  
~ Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XVII 

* * *

# S

* * *

The smile that illuminated Nezumi’s face made something stir in the pit of Shion’s stomach. He still felt exceedingly tense and nervous about the whole thing. He still didn’t want to hurt Nezumi and although his lovers gaze had softened, melting into his smile, brimming bright with affection and love and his voice suggested a tender incredulity as it whispered his name, Shion could still see the dark remnants of memories he had been thinking.

As Nezumi’s hands left his hips and cupped his face, raising his head up to meet his gaze, Shion felt embarrassment swell in his gut. Not only he had practically rejected Nezumi but he had also burst into tears before him, effectively contradicting his ever present claim that he was not a child anymore. 

Nezumi’s fingertips brushed against the skin below his eyes, wiping his tears away. There was a hint of amusement in his voice even though Shion thought it was thicker than usual. He knew this wasn’t easy for him and he didn’t even know what to say… or what to do… now that he knew Nezumi was willing to do  _that_  for him. All of his feelings were clogging his windpipe, making it incredibly difficult for him to breathe. When he opened his eyes he saw Nezumi’s gaze… close…  ** _oh, so close_**  and there was an overwhelming tenderness in those eyes. Something so deeply rooted, so  _heartfelt_ , Shion’s whole being shuddered as his gaze swept past his soul and reached the deepest parts of his heart. And Shion felt captivated by him one more time as Nezumi’s lips reached for his own and he responded to kiss feather light kiss. When Nezumi pulled back, he whispered against his lips.

> “You’re not hurting me. How weak do you think I am, hm? … Don’t cry, Shion… there’s no reason to be crying.  ** _I love you._** “ 

His confession was an explanation as much as it was a reason. Nezumi loved him. The same way Shion loved Nezumi. Why was it so hard to believe that he  _also_ , wanted to give his all to him? He had chosen to turn his back to his past and focus on his present and his future with Shion. He was choosing dreams and momentary snaps of his current life with Shion over the pain and humiliation and the fear of his past. 

“I love you too, Nezumi.”

Shion whispered against his lips before leaning in for another fluttering kiss. When he pulled back, Nezumi was smiling lightly and there was fire in his eyes… a type of fire Shion had learned to recognize in the past three weeks he had been back.

““Will you let me touch you, now? Is it okay? We’ll go slow…” Nezumi asked. And then he had lifted his hand from his lap and he was… 

Shion felt his erection stiffen painfully in between their bodies as he watched Nezumi lick his fingers, tongue rolling around them and lips sucking on them. It was one of the most…  _arousing_  things he had ever seen and the way Nezumi was looking at him as he did it made Shion let out a small gasping whine through a sore throat. And then Nezumi was pulling him towards himself by the wrist, his hand splayed over his own, fingers pressing down against his and he guided him to his entrance.

Shion had never imagined touching Nezumi this way. He had always only wanted to be with him. It didn’t matter to him  _how_  exactly that would be, what he had wanted for over eight years was only to be with him… and he had only wanted Nezumi to be happy with him. The moment his middle finger touched Nezumi’s entrance with Nezumi’s lead as he whispered against his lips with a low, lustful voice, his abdomen twisted with an almost unbearable wave of desire. Nezumi… Nezumi sounded like he  _needed_  him and that was the strongest aphrodisiac Shion could possibly think of.

> _“Do to me… what you enjoy being done to you.”_

Shion gazed into his lover’s eyes as his eyes still burned with tears. He was feeling so much… too much in this moment he was sitting face to face with Nezumi on their bed, that he didn’t know how his body was able to handle it. When he slowly pushed his finger inside his lover,  _his Nezumi_ , his most important person, he watched blazing argent eyes bore into his very soul as long eyelashes clouded over them and Nezumi’s lips parted slightly to draw in a needful breath.

Nezumi’s hand over his remained there for a few moments as Shion slowly, very slowly eased his finger in as far as it would go and then pulled back, only to languidly push inside again. He kept reminding himself the first time Nezumi had done it to him and what had felt good. Nezumi was tight… he was tight and very very hot around Shion’s finger. He continued to stare into his eyes for the slightest hint of discomfort, faintest grimace or a silent expression of pain as his slick finger found a steady pace but Nezumi seemed… utterly lost in the feeling. Forehead pressed against Shion’s, eyes fluttering behind closed eyelids and breathing deeply against his lips. A moment later Nezumi let go of his hand and put both arms on Shion’s shoulders. 

Shion could not possibly be imaging this. He could never have dreamed anything close to this. He had to be awake… This was a side to Nezumi Shion never knew… but… it was still Nezumi. His Nezumi… Alive and warm… so close to him. Shion felt tears threatening to push against his eyes and he gulped down the sob building in his throat. He desperately leaned in for his lips and kissed him with all the love, all the gratefulness and all the pain in his heart. Nezumi growled against his lips and Shion gently pushed his second finger in.

* * *

N

* * *

Nezumi’s fingers had continued to lightly grip Shion’s wrist, leading him towards his own entrance as a means of reassuring his lover that this was what he wanted. His eyes closed as the first digit entered in slowly, and through parted lips, Nezumi exhaled and allowed Shion into one of the most vulnerable parts of his very soul. His grip loosened on Shion’s hand as his lover’s finger pulled out of him, and his stormy grey eyes, clouded over with absolute lust and desire and an aching sense of  _love,_ bored directly into Shion’s crimson orbs.

And within those very eyes, Nezumi felt safe. He felt…  _home,_  for the first time in many, many years. Everything always came pummeling back to Shion; emotions he wasn’t even aware he was capable of feeling anymore, bits and pieces of his very identity that Nezumi thought he had already scrubbed clean from his tired, worn down heart. He had been so set on never letting anyone in, on never wasting any time or effort on another human being because  _emotions_ and  _attachment_ could’ve gotten him killed, and he needed to survive, to keep going, if not for himself, then for his mother and father and the people who entrusted the remaining pieces of their identity to him as their world burned down.

But with Shion… it felt so natural. And it was all he truly wanted, all he could even consider anymore. The only place Nezumi wanted to seek shelter was in the arms and soul of the boy who had opened his windows in a middle of a typhoon.. who had shared his warm bed and his meal and his  _love_  and  _unwavering devotion_ to him after all of these years. Nezumi needed Shion to know how much he trusted him, how much he loved him, even if he had a hard time saying it out loud.

They were so close now… their foreheads were pressing together and Nezumi’s legs were straddling Shion’s hips, allowing for the perfect angle for Shion’s newfound exploration of his lover’s body. With each push, and with every withdraw of Shion’s finger, Nezumi breathed, lost in the sensation in a completely new way. So many times it had been painful, rushed… a product of his environment, growing up in the worst place possible… but this…  _this…_ he could feel Shion’s love pouring into him with every thrust of his warm, slick digit.

It was enough to make Nezumi’s heart throb in his chest… and enough to undo all of the wrongs that had been done to him throughout his life.

His fingers let go of Shion’s wrist finally and his arms moved to his love’s shoulders, resting against them gently as he entrusted this intimate act to the man his legs were currently hooked around. It wasn’t long before he felt Shion’s soft, warm lips touching his own, and instantly he parted his lips to kiss him back, relishing in the feeling of being so close to Shion. His body felt like it was on fire as a second finger entered into him, and he groaned against Shion’s open mouth before kissing him again with an intensely growing fervor.

“Faster, Shion… I’m not going to break,” Nezumi hissed against his lips before their tongues were colliding once more. His arms tightened around Shion’s form as he finally picked up the pace. He began to lean Shion back, directing him towards the pillows so that Nezumi could continue with the next act. He felt as though he was more than ready now, and honestly, the level of desire and  _need_  he was currently feeling was enough to overshadow any pain he was capable of experiencing in the next few minutes.

Their lips disconnected and Nezumi reached for Shion’s hand once more, only this time, he pulled it away from the place he had once situated it. 

“Lay back, Your Majesty,” Nezumi whispered with a slight smile, his fingers trailing down Shion’s chest. His free hand reached for the bottle of lubricant, and after slathering more of it on Shion, he lined himself up with his length, and began the slow process of taking him in completely.

* * *

S

* * *

Nezumi didn’t break the kiss when Shion slid in a second finger. He groaned into the kiss, his body rising slightly over Shion’s and his tongue becoming more invasive. 

 _‘He is enjoying it. He is really… enjoying it,’_ Shion thought incredulously. Nezumi didn’t seem like he was in pain or uncomfortable about the thing at all. Shion still did his best to rein his slowly boiling desire and take it slow as he pushed his fingers in and pulled them out with a steady pace. His digits were so slick it almost happened on its own. Shion only had to apply the faintest amount of pressure to push through the ring of muscle at Nezumi’s entrance, the rest happened with surprising ease. Nezumi had also relaxed more in his arms and consequently his muscles had become lax. When Shion could do nothing but kiss Nezumi and keep his fingers moving in and out of his lover with how dazed his mind was, he could feel his own head spin. He was now learning that intimacy had it’s own types and nothing that had happened in the past three weeks could possibly prepare him for this.

Nezumi broke away from the kiss and hissed against his lips with a voice that sent a jolt of passion through Shion’s spine,

> _“Faster, Shion… I’m not going to break.”_

Shion’s heart skipped a few beats before returning to its frantic rhythm. As Nezumi’s lips claimed his own once more, tongue unceremoniously slipping into his mouth and ravaging his own, Shion bent his hand by the wrist for leverage and picked up the pace as Nezumi demanded. It was a lot closer to the rhythm of their combined heartbeats, sliding in and out of Nezumi’s hot flesh. His free hand rose to cup the side of Nezumi’s face and Shion pushed; both with his fingers and his tongue and thus, effectively earned another groan from his lover. 

After that Nezumi seemed like he had had enough. With a soft _“Lay back, Your Majesty,_ ” Shion was pushed back on the bed. Nezumi’s lips crushed with his own once more as Nezumi pulled his hand from behind him and tilted his head for a better angle for his tongue to penetrate inside his mouth deeper. His hands were working in between their bodies and Shion felt more of the cold lubricant being coated on his throbbing arousal. 

Shion’s heart swelled and ached inside his chest when Nezumi pulled away from the kiss and gazed down at him with  _love_ , compassion and  _trust_ brimming in those grey eyes Shion loved more than anything. Anticipation, desire, nervousness and anxiousness ran rampant in every nerve of his body, stealing shivers from his tense muscles. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the event that was about to happen. He couldn’t imagine it, he couldn’t even think about it. The man he had loved for over eight years was straddling him, his hand wrapping around the base of his erection as his body rose before his very eyes. Shion didn’t know what to do or where to even put his hands. They lay motionless on the bed on either side of him as he gazed up at his lover with wide eyes. Nezumi lined himself up with his length and Shion felt the head of his erection press against Nezumi’s entrance. A wild shudder rippled through his whole being as Nezumi began to lower himself onto him. The head of his erection was wrapped tight..  _oh god… oh so tight_  by Nezumi’s burning flesh, Shion’s head rolled back on the pillows as his back arched involuntarily and a loud moan spilled through parted lips. Nezumi didn’t pause or even made a sound as he pushed down onto him. 

“Ahhhh… Ne… Nezumiiiii….”

It was…  _unbelievable_. Shion’s mind short circuited as waves of white fire crashed over him one after another with every inch Nezumi came down onto him. His hand gripped the bed sheet so tight his knuckles went white and a slurry of inarticulate words tumbled over trembling lips. He heard Nezumi exhale a soft groan and his cloudy eyes met with his silvery gaze. Even if it did hurt him (and Shion was sure it did) Nezumi’s expression was a mirror of nothing but pure lust. He gazed at him through heavy lidded eyes, lips parted as tiny gasps spilled through them. Shion felt Nezumi’s hips press down onto his crotch and the sense of being fully sheathed by Nezumi knocked the air out of his lungs. The crushing tightness hugging his length from all sides was enough to send him into a crazed ecstasy and Nezumi was also warm, so very warm that it  _set Shion on fire_. His erection, buried deep inside Nezumi throbbed painfully against his inner walls. He idly wondered if this was how Nezumi felt every time he entered him and the thought alone sent another shiver down his spine. 

Raising a shaking hand, Shion cupped the side of his lover’s face and forced himself to speak coherently through the haze in his mind.

“N-Nezumi… does it… h-hurt?”

* * *

N

* * *

Nezumi thought he had been ready for such an intense,  _emotional_  moment. He had strengthened his resolve the second Shion was calling out to him, with his shaking arms wrapping around his shoulders, clutching onto him as if to prove to himself that the raven-haired man was real. Tears had been streaming down Shion’s pale cheeks, and his eyes had held so much fear, and so much pain… Nezumi had reasoned with himself that, whenever he had jolted awake in the middle of the night to one of his own intense nightmares, he had always craved warmth… almost to the point where a lack thereof made him feel like he’d go insane, or be devoured by his fears and his loneliness.

But, as Nezumi lowered himself onto Shion’s length completely, his hips rocking against Shion’s as he adjusted to his size… he knew he had not been prepared in the slightest. He felt his own heart swell in his chest and push upwards towards his throat, knotting up his insides as heat pooled in the lower recesses of his abdomen. He felt…  _whole,_ and yet so completely and utterly vulnerable… every inch of his body was now devoted to this new sensation, one he had been avoiding since arriving back in No.6 over three weeks ago. Such an exposed state of being, and such an intense display of the love and  _trust_  he felt for the other… there were no words to describe what Nezumi was feeling, even as his half-lidded gaze held Shion’s.

The only thing Nezumi found himself concentrating on was Shion’s face, and the way it contorted the moment he experienced what it was like to be inside of his lover. Nezumi gritted his teeth while Shion’s eyes had been closed, trying to block out the pain the best he could while he continued hovering over the white-haired individual. The way Shion deliciously arched his body and moaned upon feeling Nezumi’s warmth was to  ** _die_**  for, the raven had thought to himself while a lust-filled smirk quirked the corners of his lips upward. He exhaled slowly, allowing his own muscles to relax as Shion’s crimson eyes opened to look up at him, and soon enough, Nezumi felt the pads of Shion’s fingers gracing his sweaty cheek.

 _“N-Nezumi… does it… h-hurt?”_ Shion had asked in between waves of pleasure. Nezumi swallowed, and instead of showing any signs of discomfort, he began to move his hips, pushing them forward towards Shion’s before rocking back. It was a slow, gradual process of adjusting, after all, it had been a  _very_ long time since Nezumi had done anything like this… but the idea that Shion was thinking that he was hurting him left a foul taste in his mouth. 

“Shion….,” Nezumi started before letting out a shallow breath, “…I told you… I’m not gonna… _break…_ ” he managed to speak before moving further up Shion’s form, hovering over him to the point where their lips were merely centimeters apart. The palms of his hands were now pressing down hard against the mattress as he rode Shion’s cock, slowly yet surely stretching himself out. 

Nezumi’s pace began to increase the moment the pain had subsided. His eyes rolled shut as he thrust his body down upon Shion’s length, only to find a particular spot within him had been breached. He moaned out Shion’s name as a shiver ran down his spine, and he involuntarily began to thrust harder and faster, desperately seeking his prostate once more. 

* * *

S

* * *

There was almost no light in their bedroom apart from the faint glow of the waning moon. Nezumi’s silhouette as it rose above Shion was illuminated from behind with those ghostly rays of milky white. But when Shion’s eyes rolled shut at the sense of having Nezumi clamping maddeningly tight around him, he could see blinding light pressing hard behind his eyelids. He had to remind himself to breathe, to keep breathing and not lose his mind and accept what Nezumi was giving him. 

His nightmare, chased back into the back of his mind’s coldest depths, faded weakly with the blazing fire Nezumi set inside his body. Nezumi’s warmth was so overwhelming, so _ravaging_ , the memory of his cold skin melted like cheap wax before it’s reign. Shion could feel his pulse echo within Nezumi only to be met with his lover’s. He felt grounded with a force that was too powerful for him to overcome and he didn’t mind if it crushed him, tore him by every fiber and molecule that kept him together. Every cell in his body ached and soared when Nezumi rocked his hips. Shion lost all conception of time and place as pleasure shot up his throbbing length and drowned his mind in its hot waves. His hand over Nezumi’s cheek dropped on his shoulder as Nezumi whispered back to him through jagged puffs of breath -words his mind could not even fully register- and leaned forward to hover over him.

Even the slightest move Nezumi made sent jolts of pleasure, licking their way up his spine and leaving a dull ache at their wake. One of Shion’s arms wrapped around his lover’s neck while the other mindlessly pressed flat against his bare chest as Nezumi began to ride him. He had no control over the sounds he made anymore nor that he could even remember they had neighbors. Nezumi rode him with a languid, sensual pace that pulled him apart at the seams as fire seeped in through the cracks and expanded within the core of his body. Shion felt Nezumi’s inner walls pressing, rubbing against his length as his fingers involuntarily dug into his back right above the burn mark and Nezumi’s name spilled through his lips in a crescendo of heavy moans. Nezumi’s heart was pounding fast and hard against his palm and holding onto him was all Shion could do with the way his mind was completely cleared off all thoughts and his heart infested with nothing but fierce love and routing passion for the man riding him to oblivion. 

Shion vaguely heard Nezumi moan out his name the moment he felt himself hit  _somewhere_  inside his lover. Nezumi shuddered in his arms and his hips rocked senselessly over his in search of that jolt of pleasure he felt. Shion wanted him to feel it again, again and  _again_  because he  _knew_  how excruciatingly  _good_  it felt and he also knew this was as new to Nezumi in some aspects as it was to him. He bent his legs by the knees and pulled them up higher on the bed with his feet planted on the mess of their bed sheets. His shaking hands ran down Nezumi’s sides and back and came to a stop over his hips. Nezumi rocked harder… faster above him and Shion felt crushing heat threaten to split him in two from the very core of his being and he groaned his impending climax and and the sound was almost feral; wild and unadulterated and unlike any sound Shion had ever heard himself make and his hands clamped tight over Nezumi’s hips and Shion pulled him towards himself as his head rolled back and his own hips rose to meet Nezumi’s… and he felt the head of his length hit the same spot within his lover again. 

Through the all consuming haze in his mind, Shion tried his best to hit the same spot as Nezumi pushed himself down onto him, raising his lower body and tugging down at Nezumi’s hips as he searched for his prostate. Nezumi’s hands were bracing the bed sheets in tight fists, his hair tickling Shion’s jaw as he undulated above him entirely too redolent of an unearthly mirage with moonlight drawn silhouette. His expression alone was enough to push Shion beyond the edge with the utterly  _lost_ and needful look in his silvery eyes clouded with the flames that was about to swallow them both. As the heat ascended from the pit of his abdomen pushing aside everything Shion had ever known and seen and heard and felt, shattering every dark memory and every ounce of pain and fear in his heart, only to replace them with the closeness and the devouring fire the man in his arms was giving to him, Shion’s length deadpanned Nezumi’s prostate almost with each stroke his slick erection delivered him. Nezumi’s name tumbled over his lips over and over again through the gasps and groans that fell into the silence of their bedroom and Shion’s left hand let go of his hip, only to wrap itself tightly around Nezumi’s throbbing arousal and he gave it a few short tugs before finding the same rhythm of his rocking hips. 

Shion felt his climax roar inside him, shadowing forth an orgasm more powerful than anything he had ever felt before. A single thought, an instinctive hint of his love for the man in his arms, forcefully pushed through the overpowering haze in his mind and Shion met Nezumi’s gaze as he felt him harden in his palm with his own imminent orgasm. 

“Nez… umi.. I am… gon-na… ahhhh… should I… out?!”

* * *

N

* * *

With each and every thrust forward of Nezumi’s hips, Shion met his movements with his own, lifting his body and pressing forward to pick up where his raven-haired lover left off. Their movements were so in sync and so utterly  _breathtaking_  that Nezumi could not help but let out a throaty moan against the hollow of Shion’s neck, his teeth biting gently on his skin as he writhed in pleasure. Shion felt so good inside of him, so  _thick_ and unlike anything he had ever truly experienced before. When Shion’s length wasn’t hitting his prostate, it was still causing tremors of pleasure to run along the edges of his spine, making his heartbeat pick up and ring loudly in his ears. 

Nezumi’s lips trailed sloppily along Shion’s jawline and reached for his ear, only to run his tongue along its shell as he continued to to ride his lover. He could feel Shion’s cock swell within him, and such a feeling only made Nezumi’s walls clamp down harder. “ _F- **Fuck** ,_Shion…” Nezumi murmured against his ear, his breath heavy and overwhelmingly hot as it ran along one of Shion’s more sensitive spots. “Mmm… you feel so….fucking… s-so fucking..  _ **good**.._. i-inside me…”

He could feel Shion’s legs bending and rising up on the bed, his knees pressing against Nezumi’s sides as he continued to thrust over and over again. The sound of Shion’s pleasure only further ignited the passionate fire that had been building in Nezumi’s core, and as bolts of absolute ecstasy shook his body with each and every slam of Shion’s cock against his prostate, Nezumi let out a groan and gripped the sheets on either side of his lover even tighter than before.

The way Shion was moving with Nezumi… the way he was desperately trying to pin Nezumi’s own sweet spot as they continued to make love… it was all too much for him. He felt overwhelmed with so many different feelings all colliding into each other at once, leaving him a shaking and overloaded mess.

Nezumi wasn’t too far away from his orgasm now, he could feel it building quickly within him… and the moment Shion’s fingers gripped his length and began to stroke him in time with his own movements, Nezumi knew he was about to come. His half lidded gaze met with Shion’s own lust filled orbs as he pushed forward,  ** _hard_** and  _fast_ and with absolute determination to meet the edges of oblivion with his lover.

 _“Nez… umi.. I am… gon-na… ahhhh… should I… out?!”_ Shion tried to speak in between moans and desperate gasps for air. Nezumi gritted his teeth as he tried to hold his climax back, despite his body conflicting with his motives. “N-No,” Nezumi sputtered, his eyes rolling shut once more. “Inside… come… i-inside…—” Nezumi groaned again as his cock throbbed painfully, and he used all of his remaining strength to move fast and hard and get Shion to come with him. “Fuck… Shion, I—”

Nezumi shook violently as he came, moaning loudly as his seed dripped down Shion’s pale fingers. Nezumi could feel the warmth of Shion’s climax as it spilled inside of him, filling him up and leaving him perfectly whole. After a few moments, and after a few much needed breaths, Nezumi tried his best to calm himself down. His grey eyes appeared silver as the moonlight filtered in, and he leaned forward to press a few sloppy, yet achingly loving kisses to Shion’s lips.

_I love you, I can’t believe how much I love you, how much you mean to me… Will you ever really understand, Shion? Will you ever truly know what you are capable of doing to me…?_

Nezumi’s thoughts were hazy and his heart threatened to clog up his throat as his tongue touched Shion’s, the both of them shaking in a tight embrace that pushed out all of the bad things that they had seen and experienced in the midst of their twenty years of life. All that mattered to Nezumi in this moment was  _Shion;_ touching, and kissing, and holding and _loving_  the man that had come to mean the entire world to him.

* * *

S

* * *

Shion’s whole body ached with the rise of his orgasm. The ghost of Nezumi’s tongue and lips over his skin throbbed as heat climbed up his abdomen and swallowed him. Nezumi’s voice, hoarse and thick urged him on and Shion felt his body disintegrate into billions of molecules and every cell caught fire and expanded and expanded and _expanded_ … and then, Shion was no more.

His final thrust inside the embracing warmth of the man he had loved for eight years, tore his orgasm from the core of his being. Nezumi groaned his name as he climaxed on top of him and his liquid heat spurted all over Shion’s stomach and his hand. Shion’s body arched backwards as his head rolled back, a drawn-out cry of complete ecstasy flowed out of his parted lips and he momentarily lost all sense of awareness. His body shook as his hips involuntarily jerked several times, riding his orgasm and his cum spilled inside Nezumi in what seemed like endless waves. He could not breathe, he could not think, he could not do anything but lay there buried deep inside his lover as time froze and the peak of his climax prolonged into long seconds, minutes, hours, days… Nezumi finally crashed on top of him, not paying any heed to the sticky wetness coating Shion’s chest and Shion felt his hands run along his body, taking him in his arms and holding him close as their heartbeats desperately tried to steady themselves against one another. 

Moving his hazy gaze from the ceiling, Shion wrapped both his arms around his lover and pressed his trembling lips against the damp locks of midnight black hair. Nezumi was shaking in his arms, much like himself from the overwhelming experience they had just shared. Shion moved his hips slightly and pulled out of him. Nezumi shuddered as Shion’s length left his body. And as Shion’s aching afterglow numbed his every limb and sent waves of prickling flesh memories across every pore and cell, Shion felt tears of incredulity, of crippling gratefulness and of absolute love rising  in his eyes. He held on to his lover, his world, his everything as he rested his cheek against his head and drew in a tremulous breath.

Shion knew… only  _he_  knew the true magnitude of the event that had taken place in their bedroom tonight. Only he knew the true meaning of what Nezumi had given him… and how important, how significant, how utterly staggering it was. Only he was allowed to see this entirely defenseless, this achingly vulnerable and so…  _very_ … fragile side to Nezumi. Shion felt a crushing wave of unadulterated love surge through his heart and envelope the man in his arms. Nezumi had once said _‘I am afraid of you,’_ before he had turned around and walked away to come back another time he knew how to deal with everything Shion made him feel. And tonight was the indisputable confirmation of their reunion. It was another type of a promise. An unspoken one. A silent oath sealed in every declaring touch on sweat coated skin, every push and pull of kisses over reddened lips and every undulationg rock of Nezumi’s hips as he rode Shion, as he took him in and as he gave himself to him. It was an oath of  _belonging_. 

“I love you. I love you, Nezumi. I… l-love you.. so… much. I-I love you.”

Shion couldn’t stop the words tumbling over his lips as he tried his hardest to keep from bursting into tears. Nezumi raised himself up slightly over him and the next thing he knew, he was kissing him with such a careless tenderness and ardor Shion’s heart throbbed in the confines of his rib cage. He parted his lips and met Nezumi’s tongue with his own and the kiss was filled with everything left unsaid in the eight years they had known each other. It was the sensual proof of everything Shion was feeling. His arms around his lover tightened as Shion gave his all into the kiss and indulged himself in the heady bliss of knowing that they belonged to one another and to no one else in the world. That was their truth and they both knew it.  

When Nezumi pulled away his grey eyes were blazing bright with his love. Shion cupped the side of his face, kissed his chin, his cheeks, the tip of his nose, his beautiful eyes and lastly, his lips. Then he smiled at him and spoke with a weakened voice. 

“We should take a bath. We made quite a mess.”

Shion tried his hardest to hide the sense of pride and loving amusement that swelled in his heart when Nezumi stood up and frowned upon feeling the wetness leaking down the back of his thighs. Nezumi, the very embodiment of elegance and balance, also swayed on his feet when he tried to walk to the bathroom and Shion had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling as he wrapped his arm around Nezumi’s waist and supported him. Instead of snapping and pushing him aside, Nezumi nuzzled his nose up against the dampen locks of Shion’s moonlight ridden hair and chuckled into his ear. Shion put his hand over his chest to steady this happy-Nezumi he was falling in love with all over again and noticed Nezumi’s calming heartbeat was still in perfect sync with his own.

And Shion knew in that moment his days, months and years would be filled with  _this_ , and  _only_ _this_ for the rest of his life and the darkness that had haunted him at night was infinitely gone.

  


(art by [sc](http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=4433068))

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The End

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, Heartbeat ends! xD 
> 
> Please do give me reviews! 
> 
>  
> 
> [Go back to DeviantArt and Drop a Comment For Me and My Partner!]()  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my Tumblr RP thread Heartbeat with [ Contendaz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/contendaz/pseuds/contendaz) ([Drenched-Rat](http://drenched-rat.tumblr.com) on Tumblr). 
> 
> From now on I'll be posting all of our threads on here in chapters so that you guys will see I have indeed NOT been idle. I've done A LOT of writing actually and both Jackie and I have some fantastic threads to share with you. 
> 
> Nezumi:[ Contendaz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/contendaz/pseuds/contendaz)
> 
> Shion: Me
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated. 
> 
> (one shot's coming xD )
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer: No.6 and all character's belong to Asano Atsuko. This is a non-profit fan product.**
> 
>  
> 
>  **Cover art belongs to:** [Steel-Chocolate](http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=4433068)


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